Failure - It's Okay

It’s okay to fail. Say it with me. It’s. okay. To. fail.

Shocking news, isn’t it? But it’s true. It’s fine to fail. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It doesn’t mean the world will end. On the contrary. The world will be fine. You will be fine. In fact, you will be better than fine. You’ll be stronger. You’ll be wiser. You’ll be braver.  It might feel like it right now. It might not feel like it tomorrow or the next day. With time, you will realize you did the right thing – for you. Don’t worry if some days you wonder the what if’s. What if I stuck with it? What if I finished? What if I’d chosen differently? What if I made the wrong choice? That’s okay. It’s okay to wonder. It’s only natural. It’s only human.

So yes, it is okay to fail. Those words come easy. The reality is that it’s much harder to fail than to succeed. You’ve made a choice. Now you have to stick with it.  Now you wonder if it’s the right one. Sometimes the choice feels perfect. A weight’s been lifted and you’re happier than you’ve been in a long time. Everything is going to be okay. I can do this. Sometimes the choice feels like the worst decision you could’ve ever made. Grief and fear brings tears to your eyes. I am a failure. I’ve let everyone down.

People who love you and are truly your friend will not think any less of you for choosing to fail. Your friends and family love you. They support you. They want you happy. They want what is best for you. This is your life. You only have one. Make the most of it. Love it. Respect it. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Love the world.

But whatever you do – don’t kill yourself. Suicide is not the answer. Don’t hurt yourself. There are and will be people who would miss you if you left this world. Your pets (if you have any) would always wonder what happened. You would miss out on so much. You’d miss out on seeing new movies, music, television shows, games, etcetera. You’d never read another book. You’d never again get to taste cake or a grilled cheese or tacos. You’d never see the stars or feel the wind. So, no, don’t give up on life. That is not the point of this piece. If you are feeling low, talk to someone.

I speak from experience. For the year and a half I’ve been attending nursing school. I loved it. I wanted it. I wanted to eventually become a surgical nurse or a family nurse practitioner with a focus on geriatrics. At least I thought I did. The new semester started last month and the classes weren’t what I expected. They focused less on healing and more on logistics.  The information shook me to the core.

This was misery. I spiraled into a deep dismay. What I was learning wasn’t me and it would never be me. I wept for hours almost every night. I had a migraine almost every day for a month. I’d lost myself - I didn’t feel like myself. I’d lost my spark – my sparkle. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t fathom spending 14 hours a day on assignments, never to catch up. I couldn’t fathom spending the rest of my life having exams – I suck at exams.

 So I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. I quit. I gave up. I could not do it. This was not me. It would never be me. So I decided to fail. There was much deliberation and tears, but the moment I sent an email to my advisor I felt lighter than I had in a month. I knew I did the right thing.

Part of me wonders if I made the right choice. Part of me wonders what would’ve happened if I’d stuck with it until December 2020 (when I was supposed to graduate). Part of me wonders if I have disappointed my friends and family. Part of me is disappointed. But, I know it’s going to be okay. I know I did the right thing by failing.

It’s okay to fail.